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Productive anticipation & why I go to church in the first place

This week has been a terror.  One thing after another going dismally and me spinning my wheels, trying to get somewhere where I may not even be wanted.  There has been some upheaval at work and the state of Virginia seems dead set against letting me get a driver's license.  I keep telling myself that in a couple months, none of these problems will even exist, and worrying about them is just an additional waste of my time.

Today at the UU, the theme was productive anticipation: looking forward to something, but being an active participant in that process.  So rather than just battening down the hatches in light of everything that's been happening and just waiting on things to settle down, it made me realize I also need to be doing everything I can do to make sure I'm going to land on my feet when the earth stops moving.  It helped me reset some of my expectations, both for my situation, and for myself.

All this prompted me to think about why I even go there in the first place.  I mean, I'm an atheist after all.  It does seem counterintuitive.  There's community and fellowship, people who care about each other, support, ritual.  There's also that church helps you be better.  I don't mean the whole teaching you how to be a moral person thing, because I strongly feel that if you have to be taught how to be moral by your religion, you probably have bigger problems.  I mean it's a place to be reminded of how to live your life well in the face of all the everyday things that are coming at you.  The last two times at the UU the focus has been on being part of a community and productive anticipation.  These aren't lessons in doctrine, or even moral teachings, but rather reminders about stuff I'd want to do anyway if I didn't forget because of all the other stuff that's going on.

And I'm an impatient person.  I like to rush into things, dive in, make things happen NOW.  The thing about something that only happens once a week is that you have to take it easy, be patient, slow down.  It's a marathon, not a sprint, blah blah blah.  It's a mental respite.


On a totally unrelated note, I was up by 8 on Saturday and Sunday this weekend.  The weekend days are a lot longer when you're not out until 3AM the night before.  I like that.  I wish I didn't miss having somewhere to be until 3 so much.

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