Land of Lakes and Volcanoes

I'm depressed. Not acutely. Not newly. I feel like an addict. I won't ever be not depressed; I just live with it. It's my superpower - the ability to detect the pathos in any situation. As I've learned to live with being depressed, I have begun to think of it just that way. I feel like the Hulk in The Avengers.  His secret is that he's angry all the time, and in the same way, I'm always sad. Even when I'm happy, I'm sad. I don't think depression is what gets you though. I think it's feeling dissatisfied with feeling depressed.  It's the wanting to feel better. It's wanting to leave your little rain cloud behind for a day. So a few years ago, I decided to try accepting it, to try to see the sun while the rain is falling. I'm a stronger person for it, unfazed by things that distress others. I'm working at the hospital these days, and hospitals are difficult, hard places. People are damaged and dying, hurt and suffering and o

Day 2 (no photos) wasn't nearly as much of a challenge. For me, pictures fall into a kind of dichotomous key:  - photos of me    A) for the public (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Vine)    B) for my friends (Snapchat, SMS)  - photos of other stuff    C) for blogging / professionally    D) fun things! Photos of me are a strange topic because I hate them. I have an idea about how I look, and then when I have a photo taken, I always think, "That's how I look?" I have always felt uncomfortable about my appearance and it's been a bit liberating to take more photos of myself and to put them out there. I don't need people to tell me how great I look for comment; it's more about saying, "Yes, I do look like that, and that's okay."  Photos that I take for private functions are less of an issue because I'm so busy these days that I don't really have much time for that kind of social activity. Not taking photos of other things was ac

Yesterday was the first day of the Bored and Brilliant challenge from WNYC's New Tech City, and the goal was to keep your phone put away (either in pocket or in a bag) during transit, so phones out only at destinations.  Having tracked my phone time for about 3 weeks, I know that my starting point was that I was spending an average of 155 minutes per day on my phone. I don't think Moment counts time when it's playing music or a podcast but I am not looking at the screen.  I use my phone as a Kindle a lot, so I'm not sure how much time I can cut down without losing my reading time, but we'll see.  It also doesn't seem to take into account time I'm making phone calls if the screen is off. So I kept my phone in my pocket.  I forgot once early in the day because it is such a reflex to pull my phone out of my pocket when I have a "blank" moment. It was much easier if I kept it in my bag. Other than that one time, I really enjoyed it. Not looking at