Either that or USC needs to up the admissions ante. The undergrads seem to be everywhere, in every nook and cranny, even where they clearly SHOULD NOT be and when they SHOULD NOT be there. This annoyance is exacerbated by motor vehicles. In the past week and a half, I have had the following experiences:
I got hit by a car.
In a vehicle: Just them.
# of incidents: 2
Technically, one of these happened last semester, but then I considered it just a fluke. Last year it was a girl on her phone in an SUV so I was able to slap her back glass before she completely flattened me. My presence behind her vehicle merely elicited an impatient shrug. Today it was a girl backing out of a parking space in some kind of early 90s sedan. She did not appear to be on her phone, but she also wasn't watching what the hell she was doing. Because it was a sedan, there was no back glass. As a result, her bumper actually collided with my thigh. A couple of furious poundings on her trunk lifted her from her reverie in time for her to not actually kill me. In the future, I will follow the advice I received today and fall to the ground, screaming and crying until they throw money at me.
Undergrads do not understand the mysterious ritual that is crossing the street.
In a vehicle: Just me.
# of incidents: I've lost count.
If I am stopped at a stoplight, and the light is red and there are people standing on the corner, I KNOW they are going to wait until the light turns green and then attempt to cross in front of my car. I'm not making this up. It's a phenomenon that I've observed repeatedly. How can you not know how to cross the street at a freaking light? There's a pedestrian signal!! Also, if you are crossing the street at a location other than a stoplight, it's a good idea to pause and look both ways. Otherwise I will flatten you, I mean it.
U-turns should not be performed on tiny streets.
In a vehicle: Both parties.
# of incidents: 1
Friday I was in my car on Greene street between Sumwalt and the education building. This is a narrow street with parking on both sides. A girl in an SUV coming toward me saw an open parking spot on my side of the street. While I appreciate her cognizance of the value of an open parking spot on Greene Street, I do not appreciate it enough to forgive her for the 14-point turn it required for her to get into it from the opposite side of the street. Traffic was backed up through the stop lights going both ways.
Bonus: I barely avoided the bushes after a near miss with a directionally challenged cyclist.
In a vehicle: Bicycles don't count, right?
# of incidents: 1
As I was walking to class, a young man on a bicycle was overestimating his ability to multitask. He lowered the map he was studying to find that he had veered substantially to the left and essentially into me.
In the words of Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You, "Remove head from sphincter, then drive!" This also applies to walking and cycling.
In other news:
For my Spanish class this week, we read an account of some of Taino mythology. The ancient men were separated from their ladies, and while they were bathing one day in the rain, started thinking about how much they missed having women around. How's that for a funny mental image? Luckily for them, genderless beings descended from the trees and they were able to capture them. They tied birds to them, and the birds, thinking they were wood, pecked out some nice new female genitalia for them. Creepy, very creepy.
Completely unrelated to everything above, I was once again surprised today by my general disappointment with humanity or perhaps my inability to be a part of it in a way that is good for anyone other than myself. After 28 years, I think I'm still doing it wrong.
I got hit by a car.
In a vehicle: Just them.
# of incidents: 2
Technically, one of these happened last semester, but then I considered it just a fluke. Last year it was a girl on her phone in an SUV so I was able to slap her back glass before she completely flattened me. My presence behind her vehicle merely elicited an impatient shrug. Today it was a girl backing out of a parking space in some kind of early 90s sedan. She did not appear to be on her phone, but she also wasn't watching what the hell she was doing. Because it was a sedan, there was no back glass. As a result, her bumper actually collided with my thigh. A couple of furious poundings on her trunk lifted her from her reverie in time for her to not actually kill me. In the future, I will follow the advice I received today and fall to the ground, screaming and crying until they throw money at me.
Undergrads do not understand the mysterious ritual that is crossing the street.
In a vehicle: Just me.
# of incidents: I've lost count.
If I am stopped at a stoplight, and the light is red and there are people standing on the corner, I KNOW they are going to wait until the light turns green and then attempt to cross in front of my car. I'm not making this up. It's a phenomenon that I've observed repeatedly. How can you not know how to cross the street at a freaking light? There's a pedestrian signal!! Also, if you are crossing the street at a location other than a stoplight, it's a good idea to pause and look both ways. Otherwise I will flatten you, I mean it.
U-turns should not be performed on tiny streets.
In a vehicle: Both parties.
# of incidents: 1
Friday I was in my car on Greene street between Sumwalt and the education building. This is a narrow street with parking on both sides. A girl in an SUV coming toward me saw an open parking spot on my side of the street. While I appreciate her cognizance of the value of an open parking spot on Greene Street, I do not appreciate it enough to forgive her for the 14-point turn it required for her to get into it from the opposite side of the street. Traffic was backed up through the stop lights going both ways.
Bonus: I barely avoided the bushes after a near miss with a directionally challenged cyclist.
In a vehicle: Bicycles don't count, right?
# of incidents: 1
As I was walking to class, a young man on a bicycle was overestimating his ability to multitask. He lowered the map he was studying to find that he had veered substantially to the left and essentially into me.
In the words of Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You, "Remove head from sphincter, then drive!" This also applies to walking and cycling.
In other news:
For my Spanish class this week, we read an account of some of Taino mythology. The ancient men were separated from their ladies, and while they were bathing one day in the rain, started thinking about how much they missed having women around. How's that for a funny mental image? Luckily for them, genderless beings descended from the trees and they were able to capture them. They tied birds to them, and the birds, thinking they were wood, pecked out some nice new female genitalia for them. Creepy, very creepy.
Completely unrelated to everything above, I was once again surprised today by my general disappointment with humanity or perhaps my inability to be a part of it in a way that is good for anyone other than myself. After 28 years, I think I'm still doing it wrong.
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