I debated about whether or not to blog about this bc well, it's my lady parts. But with all the crazy legislation lately about what I can and cannot do with my bits, it seems that it's on the public table, so I mean, why not? Also, people talk about having babies all the damned time, I can talk about not-baby-having.
I had an IUD put in today. It's not something I'm particularly thrilled about because it's a long-term birth control solution, and I don't want to believe that I need a long-term birth control solution because I'm about to turn 31 and I'm never going to have babies, and oh my god, I think I'm crying a little. Okay, not really. Not right now. But I'm not thrilled is what I'm saying. I went with
Paragard because it's non-hormonal (more on that in a second) and it can be left in for 10 years. You can have it taken out much sooner, which I hope will be the case for me. Other non-hormonal birth control options are things like condoms and diaphragms, which, let's face it, aren't always convenient.
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| Paragard (copper non-hormonal) on the left and Mirena on the right. |
And why not hormones? Well, because they really affect me emotionally. Over the past 12 years, I've tried a lot of things. I've been on both regular and low-dose birth control pills,
NuvaRing, and
Depo shots. It appears that I am sensitive to these things because regular dose pills create all sorts of physical misery, and all of them either depress my sex drive to the point of non-existence or make me really prone to depression (which frankly, I don't need any help with). And with the Depo shots, it took me almost 9 months after the end of my last shot before I got my period again which was terrifying. So after much deliberation, I decided to do this. I almost got it last year, but fear about what it meant kept me from doing so, but if I'd gotten it then, I'd have had it for a year already, so I decided to suck it up and go in and talk to them about it.
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| Looks simple enough. |
They surprised me by saying that we could do it today, so I went in expecting to talk and left with a piece of copper in my uterus. My very angry, crampy uterus. In order to insert a piece of copper about the farthest inside you someone can get without surgery, they first insert a speculum, then a holder on your cervix to keep it open. This hurts the entire time like a mild to moderate cramp. Then they insert a kind of long thin ruler inside in order to measure the depth of the uterus, which determines placement of the IUD.
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| Really nifty ultrasound of an IUD in place. |
This feels like someone is stabbing you in your lady junk with a knife, or what I imagine that feels like. It hurt about the same as my kidney stones but not as sharp. It was worse than getting tattooed on my back and not as bad as getting tattooed on my hip. I also had to cough when she did it because apparently that is the moment when people pass out most often during the process. So I guess turn your head and cough does have a lady equivalent. Women who have had pregnancies before are less likely to have trouble with this, as their uterus has already been broken in. (It's more complicated than that, but that's the basic idea. Okay? Science!)
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| Also maybe the whole time I was thinking that someone might bake me IUD cookies? Maybe? |
It's about the same sensation when they actually place the IUD, and then I had some sustained follow-up cramping. For some reason my body was less than thrilled about having a piece of metal in a place where normally babies go? Whatever. I should expect to have a little spotting for a couple days and some sustained mild cramping. Then a follow-up appointment in about 5 weeks to make sure that it's where it should be and that it hasn't, wait for it, exited my perforated uterus and entered my body cavity. In about 1 in 1000 women, the uterus is perforated during the stick-a-ruler-in-your-uterus phase and the IUD can travel through that perforation and right on to, oh, wherever. Maybe it will go on a quest. I would guess that I would feel some additional discomfort were that to occur and I seem to be doing fine. Nothing some light ibuprofen can't handle.
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| That is really not where it should be. |
A couple of other things about Paragard and how it is different from
Mirena, the other popular IUD. 1) Paragard has no hormones, which completely solves my hormones make my body chemistry wonky problem. 2) "The copper ions in Paragard decapitate sperm." Those were the words uttered by my saucy gynecologist, and that's just kind of cool, right? 3) Women on Mirena usually experience normal periods, while Paragard can cause you to have longer times between periods and then heavier periods, or lots of spotting. I've never had a problem with this, so I decided to accept this risk as opposed to having any other hormone containing device implanted in my body.
*Sorry Billy!
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