I think I figured something out this morning. I'm not saying this applies to me, but I always wondered why people became teachers if they hated kids. I don't think they started that way. I think it's like how guilty I feel when I walk around in front of my dad. If you're a teacher, and you think your life's potential is tapped, and all these pretty young things brimming with possibility are walking around in front of you, it's like they're rubbing it in your face. That seems like it could be bitterness inducing. Good thing I've still got potential oozing from every pore.
I met my new therapist last week. I test drove a few, and she was the one that stuck. She seems like she's not going to let me get by with any bullshit, and she said a couple of things that zinged me in our very first meeting. That was unexpected, delightful, and now, with time to think about it, terrifying. I've been doing so much soul searching lately, so much careful consideration of my life and where I am - you'd think I'd be finding myself, but instead I feel so completely lost. A few reasons: 1. I sabotage relationships in a really predictable way. I had always thought of this behavior in one way, but with one sentence, this woman last week made me question everything I thought about that. It's good to question it; it's what I wanted, but to be confronted so quickly by something that I had never considered is frightening. I've spent so much time trying to figure this stuff out, and it turns out that I've been so completely wrong about ...
Comments