I've been freaking out about work this week as well as about my inability to follow through on some person goals (not related to New Year's at all) and it's been affecting my sleep. Hasn't helped that I've been sick. Last night it showed up in the form of dreams. I don't remember all of them, but I know there was a series of weird dreams in which I was somehow not up to the task presented to me.
In the last dream, I had a baby, but I was away all day, and in the evening I was meeting my mom and we were going out of town overnight and she had left the baby with someone. I had kind of forgotten I had the baby and when I remembered, I was immediately terrified that she hadn't eaten, that I had abandoned her, and that my mom for some reason had forgotten her as well. I demanded that she take me to see the baby, and while we were traveling to where the baby was, I started thinking about why the baby wasn't with me, and how if I'd been breastfeeding, this never could have happened. I instantly knew that for some reason I couldn't breastfeed, and I remembered how this was always something that was really important to me, and I had a sudden rush of guilt and sadness at not being able to do this thing that was so important* and how maybe I'd hurt my baby because of it. The alarm woke me up before we got to the baby.
I don't remember ever dreaming about having a baby before, and what an odd way for my mind to manifest my feelings of inadequacy. It is physical, at least, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about how people manipulate themselves physically for various purposes.
The kick-off was Russell Brand posting a picture of Katy Perry on Twitter and then removing it. She's sans make-up, making a funny face, and in bad lighting. She looks bad. Most people would, regardless of gender, we're just used to seeing women all faked up. I'm guilty of it too. I've started wearing more make-up the last few years, and it used to feel like dress up, but I was totally comfortable wandering around the world, going to work without it. Now if I'm not wearing it, I look in the mirror and think I look bad. My norm has changed. While I do think I look "better" in pictures and whatnot these days, I don't know how I feel about warping my own sense of myself.
But back to Katy Perry. It's stupid that people are 1) saying how incredibly different she looks b/c duh, and 2) commenting on how awful it is that this picture got out and how she should be mad at Russell Brand. I like the before and afters, it's further proof of how fake it all is. A little groundtruthing never hurt anyone. So, the goods:
Which reminded me of Super Kawaii Mama's tutorials for everyday glam make-up. I love her look (her in general really), but this is her everyday look and it takes her 2 10-minute videos to explain what she does, and while I don't think she's altering her appearance as much as a celebrity like Katy Perry, she uses 13 different products. Video 1 is below, and this is Video 2. I should reiterate that I've seen these before because I'm a huge fan of hers.
I think I love her because while she is embracing an aesthetic that does require a lot of work, it's at least unique, and it's taking inspiration from a vintage era and then making it your own. What I find especially distressing is when the goal is for everyone to just look the same, such as in this collection of Asian women before and after make-up. The hair, make-up, styling, and camera angle is creepily consistent across the collection. Found this through Jezebel.
All this while the discussion of Natalie Portman thinkin she was gonna die during the filming of Black Swan. Although sometimes dudes do crazy stuff to their bodies too:
So yeah, while I should be doing other stuff, all this is swimming around in my head.
*I know some women can't or choose not to breastfeed for many reasons. This is not a criticism of them, merely an accounting of my dream.
In the last dream, I had a baby, but I was away all day, and in the evening I was meeting my mom and we were going out of town overnight and she had left the baby with someone. I had kind of forgotten I had the baby and when I remembered, I was immediately terrified that she hadn't eaten, that I had abandoned her, and that my mom for some reason had forgotten her as well. I demanded that she take me to see the baby, and while we were traveling to where the baby was, I started thinking about why the baby wasn't with me, and how if I'd been breastfeeding, this never could have happened. I instantly knew that for some reason I couldn't breastfeed, and I remembered how this was always something that was really important to me, and I had a sudden rush of guilt and sadness at not being able to do this thing that was so important* and how maybe I'd hurt my baby because of it. The alarm woke me up before we got to the baby.
I don't remember ever dreaming about having a baby before, and what an odd way for my mind to manifest my feelings of inadequacy. It is physical, at least, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about how people manipulate themselves physically for various purposes.
The kick-off was Russell Brand posting a picture of Katy Perry on Twitter and then removing it. She's sans make-up, making a funny face, and in bad lighting. She looks bad. Most people would, regardless of gender, we're just used to seeing women all faked up. I'm guilty of it too. I've started wearing more make-up the last few years, and it used to feel like dress up, but I was totally comfortable wandering around the world, going to work without it. Now if I'm not wearing it, I look in the mirror and think I look bad. My norm has changed. While I do think I look "better" in pictures and whatnot these days, I don't know how I feel about warping my own sense of myself.
But back to Katy Perry. It's stupid that people are 1) saying how incredibly different she looks b/c duh, and 2) commenting on how awful it is that this picture got out and how she should be mad at Russell Brand. I like the before and afters, it's further proof of how fake it all is. A little groundtruthing never hurt anyone. So, the goods:
 |
| This is an unflattering picture of a real person. |
 |
| This is a picture of a fake person. |
Which reminded me of Super Kawaii Mama's tutorials for everyday glam make-up. I love her look (her in general really), but this is her everyday look and it takes her 2 10-minute videos to explain what she does, and while I don't think she's altering her appearance as much as a celebrity like Katy Perry, she uses 13 different products. Video 1 is below, and this is Video 2. I should reiterate that I've seen these before because I'm a huge fan of hers.
I think I love her because while she is embracing an aesthetic that does require a lot of work, it's at least unique, and it's taking inspiration from a vintage era and then making it your own. What I find especially distressing is when the goal is for everyone to just look the same, such as in this collection of Asian women before and after make-up. The hair, make-up, styling, and camera angle is creepily consistent across the collection. Found this through Jezebel.
All this while the discussion of Natalie Portman thinkin she was gonna die during the filming of Black Swan. Although sometimes dudes do crazy stuff to their bodies too:
 |
| Taken from /Film. |
So yeah, while I should be doing other stuff, all this is swimming around in my head.
*I know some women can't or choose not to breastfeed for many reasons. This is not a criticism of them, merely an accounting of my dream.
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